Please forward this to a high-impact leader who needs the energy edge. If this was forwarded to you, get plugged in here.

Welcome back - it's nice to have you here!

Before we dive in...

The people who love us most usually want to protect us.

But sometimes...protection quietly becomes limitation.

🎯 THE MOMENT

A few weeks ago, I was on a call with a community I'm incredibly grateful to be part of called The Outlier Project. It's a group of founders, leaders, creators, athletes, and adventurers who challenge one another to think bigger, ask better questions, and expand what's possible. Every meeting stretches the way I think.

One of the incredible members is Matthias "Super Frenchie" Giraud. If you already know Matthias, you know he doesn't see the world the way most people do. He's an extreme skier and ski BASE jumper who's spent years making calculated decisions in environments where fear has very real consequences. (If you're curious about the Outlier Project, hit reply. I'm always happy to share more.)

During the conversation, he casually used a phrase I'd never heard or considered before:

Fear Transfer.

Everything clicked.

We weren't talking about leadership. We weren't talking about business. We were talking about what happens when you tell people you're about to do something difficult.

Climb a mountain. Train for a triathlon. Leave a secure job. Start a business. Write a book.

Most people's first response isn't curiosity. They respond with themselves.

On the surface, it sounds like they're evaluating your decision. But they're usually answering a different question: "Would I do that?" And then they hand you an answer based on their fears, their experiences, and their comfort zone.

The moment Matthias said Fear Transfer, something clicked for me: Most advice isn't about your future. It's a reflection of someone else's past.

Once I saw it that way, I couldn't unsee it. Most people aren't describing your limits. They're describing their relationship with uncertainty. Their comfort zone. Their experiences. Their fears. And without realizing it...we often carry those fears home as if they were our own.

If you're curious about the kind of challenges Matthias takes on, watch one of his recent ski BASE descents sometime. Don't watch it because you should ever do it. Watch it because it reminds you that extraordinary decisions almost always look unreasonable to people who would never choose them.

That conversation has stayed with me ever since. Because suddenly I wasn't thinking about mountains. I was thinking about my own life.

⚡ QUICK SPIN

Fear is transferable. Not because people want to hold us back. Usually because they love us.

Parents want us to stay safe. Friends don't want to see us disappointed. Coworkers worry about what they would do. Mentors remember their own scars.

The advice is rarely malicious. It's often deeply caring. But caring doesn't automatically make it accurate.

When someone says, "I could never do that." Our brain quietly translates it into..."Maybe I shouldn't either."

That's Fear Transfer. Not borrowing wisdom. Borrowing limitation.

🛠️ MY TURN

Looking back, I can see Fear Transfer time and again throughout my own career. Leaving corporate. Walking away from cybersecurity. Starting a coaching business. Writing Make Your Own Glass Half Full. Launching Is Anything Real? Speaking on stages.

Every one of those decisions came with opinions.

The interesting part?

Almost none of those comments came from people trying to discourage me. They came from people who cared. People who wanted to protect me. But they weren't answering the question I was asking. They were answering a different one.

Not...

There's a massive difference.

📚 THE BACKUP

Think about the biggest decisions you've ever made.

Changing careers. Moving across the country. Starting a business. Having children. Running your first marathon. Writing a book.

Notice something? Very few people respond with genuine curiosity. Instead...they immediately imagine themselves making that same decision. Then they tell you how they feel about it.

Their finances. Their confidence. Their appetite for risk. Their past failures. Their comfort zone.

The advice they give you may be perfectly right. For their life.

The challenge is that you're living yours.

🛠️ THE SYSTEM

I've started asking myself one simple question whenever someone gives me advice.

Information expands my understanding. Projection expands theirs. Both deserve respect. Only one deserves ownership.

Before accepting someone's advice, ask yourself:

• Have they actually done what I'm trying to do?
• Are they describing reality...or their relationship with reality?
• Does this help me think more clearly...or simply more cautiously?

That tiny pause changes everything.

💡 THE SHIFT

One of the greatest leadership skills isn't becoming fearless. It's becoming incredibly clear about which fears actually belong to you. Because borrowed fear quietly becomes borrowed limits. Borrowed limits become smaller decisions. Smaller decisions become smaller lives.

Most advice isn't about your future. It's a reflection of someone else's past. That doesn't make the advice bad. It simply means you have a responsibility to ask:

The goal isn't ignoring wise counsel. The goal is making sure your future isn't quietly built around someone else's ceiling.

🧭 THE FEAR FILTER

The next time someone gives you advice...run it through this filter:

Experience

"I've done something similar. Here's what I learned."

Listen carefully.

Projection

"I could never do that."

Listen compassionately.

Those are two very different conversations. One offers perspective. The other offers personal limitation. Don't confuse them.

🤗 YOUR TURN

Think about something you've been putting off. A conversation. A business idea. A race. A creative project. A career move.

Now ask yourself one question.

You might be surprised by the answer.

👊 LET'S TALK

One of the greatest gifts coaching has given me isn't better answers. It's better questions. Questions that help leaders separate their own voice from the hundreds of others competing for attention. Because the world is full of opinions.

Family. Friends. Social media. News. Even well-intentioned mentors.

Some of those voices are incredibly valuable. Some are simply passing along fears they've never examined themselves.

Leadership isn't shutting those voices out. It's learning to recognize which ones deserve a seat at your table.

If you're navigating a big decision...or wondering whether the hesitation you're feel is truly yours...I'd love to help.

👉 adamwbarney.com​

Cheers, Adam

P.S. One realization hasn't left me since that conversation. The people who love us most often try hardest to protect us. Sometimes...protection sounds exactly like limitation.

That doesn't make them wrong. It just means their fears deserve compassion...not ownership.

If you've never watched Super Frenchie, I highly recommend it. Not because it's about BASE jumping, but because it's about expanding what's possible. Matthias doesn't eliminate fear. He changes his relationship with it.

🔌 STAY PLUGGED IN

Today's essay explored Fear Transfer: the fears we unknowingly inherit from other people. This week's conversation on Is Anything Real? explores the other side of that equation. I sat down with Kyle Gray, founder of The Story Engine, to talk about why the stories we carry matter more than the events themselves.

One line has stayed with me ever since:

Fear transfers. Stories do too.

If today's essay resonated, I think you'll really enjoy this conversation.

👉 🎙️ Storytelling for Experts: Your Story Isn’t What Happened | Ep. 76 w/ Kyle Gray (The Story Engine)​

IS ANYTHING REAL? • EPISODE 76 Storytelling for Experts: Your Story Isn’t What Happened | Ep. 76 w/ Kyle Gray (The Story Engine) 26:03 MORE INFO

Was this valuable? Hit reply with a ✅ or ❌. I read every one.